Here are a bunch of silly buttons!
I wrote all these pages in Vim, which is probably the greatest program ever made.
Speaking of which, if you are using Internet Explorer, what the hell is wrong with you, you stupid fucking moron?
Selected portions of today's webpage have been brought to you by DHTML and the W3C DOM. This page is actually not one of those selected portions; the Javascripty block hiding technique is done purely through CSS.
Liberation of Caen
This story is the ridiculously-embellished tale of a game of Battlefield 1942 I played. I pretty much completely improvised the purple prose on IRC, which explains the goofy paragraph structure. It was originally just a cute stand-alone story, but I later decided that the "non-erotic fan fiction" miniseries was a clever idea. (And as of this update I have yet to even finish part 2)
This is Not Spam
This is a silly email I wrote to my friend/boss after I had been up all night getting SpamAssassin working on his mail server, to let him know that I succeeded. I was originally just going to send the first line and get some sleep but after I typed it I didn't know if what it said was strictly true or not, so I decided to figure it out rigorously, and what you read there is pretty much my stream of consciousness on the matter, which somehow came out sounding surprisingly eloquent and articulate.
(My friend's somewhat less eloquent reply the next morning was "LOL, just LOL")
The Best Birthday Ever
Look, I don't know, alright?
Build Your Own Arc Welder for Fun and Profit
Here are some searches people were doing when they found this page.
- how to build arc welder
- make an arc welder
- fun welder
You've come to the right place!
- welding fun projects
- make your own arc welder
- "Dungeons & Dragons stat sheet""
My page is the only hit for this search. Go Internet go!
- how to build a small arc welder
- "build your own arc welder"
- "BUILD YOUR OWN ARC WELDER"
I like to imagine that this is the same person as above after he got mad at Google for sending him to my page.
- build welder
- make your own arc welder
- build your own arc welder
- Build your own welder
- "Arc welder"
- how stuff works arc welder
I sincerely hope my page proved educational.
- make your own welder
- how to build ur own robot
Yes, this jerkloaf really typed "ur". I WONDER HOW THAT ROBOT'S COMIN' ALONG FOR HIM!
- build your own arc welder
- arc solder power
- The man that invented arc welding
It was Dr. Ralp, Professor of Weldology.
- build arc welder
- build a arc welder
- how build your own man made lake
I don't know but I bet it involves a lot of digging.
- how to build a welder
- hooking up things to an arc welder
Hahaha what could possibly go wrong??
Bracket Notation
Years ago, my friends and I agreed upon some simple conventions—sarcasm and action brackets—mostly out of necessity, to try to make ICQ (or whatever) suitably expressive. Gradually over a few years everyone had naturally developed their own little variations, and from time to time would ask me (for example) what it means if sarcasm brackets nest, or something. (REMINDER: Never nest Sarcasm Brackets.)
I had in my mind a fairly clear and rigorous set of personal "usage guidelines" so I decided it was a good idea to codify these, along with my favorite features of my friends' bracket-dialects, into a Bracket Notation standard… but when I started I had no idea it would grow into what it is now. When I finished it kind of scared me because I had considered it a parody (of some college textbooks in particular) while writing it, but I realized that I was serious about pretty much everything I had written. I later re-realized (or maybe just rationalized) that it was still satire in the sense that the rather silly topic is taken so seriously to the point of absurdity.
Anyway, satire or not, Bracket Notation is indeed real, although by now the Handy Guide is woefully out of date. Someday I may publish a new edition, but this remains a low priority as sarcasm brackets lately do not enjoy the frequent use that they once did.
:(
Pretty self-explanatory, isn't it? Anyway I'm not completely sure why this is here, other than for emphasis. And quick-reference! Which come to think of it are both excellent reasons.
Vader
I happened to hear about the nifty Mr. Picassohead on the leading edge of its pop web spread. There is a lot of absolute crap in the gallery, but there are also some absolute gems. If people could vote on submissions, it would be one of the neatest sites on the web.
But anyway, yeah, I found a cool reference image, sat down, and cranked out a decent Darth Vader. (If you don't know what this entails, go make your own Picassohead; it's fun.) Once the website later started spreading, and friends would tell me "Hey Ralp check out this cool drawing I made, I call it 'A FACE'! neat huh?", I would tell them hey that is pretty neat, check out this one I made! and wait for their reactions. I found this pretty amusing despite that I hate the el33tist attitude of "lol that website is soo old u dum nooby omg" (unless it's, say, All Your Base or that fucking penguin game, in which case get the hell off my Internet u dum nooby omg)
Besides, my drawing isn't even that great.
^_^
- No, I am not the freakwad on the left.
- No, I was not dancing. The person you see behind me had mentioned earlier how Asian girls always pose like this for photographs. She happens to be an Asian girl herself, so who was I to argue?
- Unfortunately that pose somehow made me look like I weigh 200 pounds. :(
- The picture was taken just outside a very nice park in Ann Arbor where we played frisbee until it got dark.
- Once it got dark we kept playing frisbee until the frisbee ended up in the river.
- Once the frisbee landed in the river, I heroically waded in and risked being swept away by the roaring rapids (thus as you can see my pants got fairly wet despite my best efforts to roll them up).
- Once we almost lost both the frisbee and Ralp to a shallow watery grave, we kept playing frisbee until this jagged tree stump jumped out of nowhere at me and savagely attacked my right forearm just as I was trying to make a (no doubt spectacular) catch. Nevertheless I was able to fight my way out of its cruel wooden jaws, and today I wear the scar like a pink badge of courage.
- You know, because courage is traditionally represented by the color pink.
The rocket is AWESOME.
Well, any picture about Japanese pop culture is bound to be a little fucked up; in this case it's specifically Jap video game culture.
But anyway have you seen the Chu Chu Rocket commercial? For that matter, have you ever played Chu Chu Rocket? Neko wa kawaii!
Kittens
Seriously, fuck you. If I ever see that other idiotic picture again it will be about seven hundred times too many.
Lymph
Lymph is an internet artificial cyber e-freund of mine on the electronic computer machine. I saw X Men II a while before I saw some photos he took on vacation, and I decided his portrait called for some delicious Photoshoppery!
Launch
I don't know what's "going on in that pic" either; I don't think I ever looked at it.
Hockey Robot
As you may know (see also), three other jerks and I created a robot arm that plays air hockey. Early in the project (like before we even had an air hockey table built) I didn't have a lot to do since I was the Computer Vision guy, so I often just screwed around and made things hard on the engineers. Hence this picture, which was made almost exclusively with the MS-Paint straight line tool.
Anyway, here is the real air hockey robot.
Pretty ghetto if you ask me! Of course the shoddy engineering was made up for with brilliant software control.
Goatse
lol
MAME Controller
A friend and I made this from scratch. He did the research online and bought all the parts, and I designed how it would go together. Then we built it. Then we played it!