Here are a bunch of silly buttons!

Created with Vim I wrote all these pages in Vim, which is probably the greatest program ever made.

Valid XHTML 1.1!Valid CSS! It's allll good, baby. I serve my pages as application/xhtml+xml to browsers that properly support it.

Get Firefox Speaking of which, if you are using Internet Explorer, what the hell is wrong with you, you stupid fucking moron?

Selected portions of today's webpage have been brought to you by DHTML and the W3C DOM. This page is actually not one of those selected portions; the Javascripty block hiding technique is done purely through CSS.

Liberation of Caen

This story is the ridiculously-embellished tale of a game of Battlefield 1942 I played. I pretty much completely improvised the purple prose on IRC, which explains the goofy paragraph structure. It was originally just a cute stand-alone story, but I later decided that the "non-erotic fan fiction" miniseries was a clever idea. (And as of this update I have yet to even finish part 2)

This is Not Spam

This is a silly email I wrote to my friend/boss after I had been up all night getting SpamAssassin working on his mail server, to let him know that I succeeded. I was originally just going to send the first line and get some sleep but after I typed it I didn't know if what it said was strictly true or not, so I decided to figure it out rigorously, and what you read there is pretty much my stream of consciousness on the matter, which somehow came out sounding surprisingly eloquent and articulate.

(My friend's somewhat less eloquent reply the next morning was "LOL, just LOL")

The Best Birthday Ever

Look, I don't know, alright?

Build Your Own Arc Welder for Fun and Profit

Here are some searches people were doing when they found this page.

Bracket Notation

Years ago, my friends and I agreed upon some simple conventions—sarcasm and action brackets—mostly out of necessity, to try to make ICQ (or whatever) suitably expressive. Gradually over a few years everyone had naturally developed their own little variations, and from time to time would ask me (for example) what it means if sarcasm brackets nest, or something. (REMINDER: Never nest Sarcasm Brackets.)

I had in my mind a fairly clear and rigorous set of personal "usage guidelines" so I decided it was a good idea to codify these, along with my favorite features of my friends' bracket-dialects, into a Bracket Notation standard… but when I started I had no idea it would grow into what it is now. When I finished it kind of scared me because I had considered it a parody (of some college textbooks in particular) while writing it, but I realized that I was serious about pretty much everything I had written. I later re-realized (or maybe just rationalized) that it was still satire in the sense that the rather silly topic is taken so seriously to the point of absurdity.

Anyway, satire or not, Bracket Notation is indeed real, although by now the Handy Guide is woefully out of date. Someday I may publish a new edition, but this remains a low priority as sarcasm brackets lately do not enjoy the frequent use that they once did.


Pretty self-explanatory, isn't it? Anyway I'm not completely sure why this is here, other than for emphasis. And quick-reference! Which come to think of it are both excellent reasons.


I happened to hear about the nifty Mr. Picassohead on the leading edge of its pop web spread. There is a lot of absolute crap in the gallery, but there are also some absolute gems. If people could vote on submissions, it would be one of the neatest sites on the web.

But anyway, yeah, I found a cool reference image, sat down, and cranked out a decent Darth Vader. (If you don't know what this entails, go make your own Picassohead; it's fun.) Once the website later started spreading, and friends would tell me "Hey Ralp check out this cool drawing I made, I call it 'A FACE'! neat huh?", I would tell them hey that is pretty neat, check out this one I made! and wait for their reactions. I found this pretty amusing despite that I hate the el33tist attitude of "lol that website is soo old u dum nooby omg" (unless it's, say, All Your Base or that fucking penguin game, in which case get the hell off my Internet u dum nooby omg)

Besides, my drawing isn't even that great.


The rocket is AWESOME.

Well, any picture about Japanese pop culture is bound to be a little fucked up; in this case it's specifically Jap video game culture.

But anyway have you seen the Chu Chu Rocket com­mer­cial? For that matter, have you ever played Chu Chu Rocket? Neko wa kawaii!


Seriously, fuck you. If I ever see that other idiotic picture again it will be about seven hundred times too many.


Lymph is an internet artificial cyber e-freund of mine on the electronic computer machine. I saw X Men II a while before I saw some photos he took on vacation, and I decided his portrait called for some delicious Photoshoppery!


I don't know what's "going on in that pic" either; I don't think I ever looked at it.

Hockey Robot

As you may know (see also), three other jerks and I created a robot arm that plays air hockey. Early in the project (like before we even had an air hockey table built) I didn't have a lot to do since I was the Computer Vision guy, so I often just screwed around and made things hard on the engineers. Hence this picture, which was made almost exclusively with the MS-Paint straight line tool.

Anyway, here is the real air hockey robot.

Robot Arm with Air Hockey Paddle

Pretty ghetto if you ask me! Of course the shoddy engineering was made up for with brilliant software control.



MAME Controller

A friend and I made this from scratch. He did the research online and bought all the parts, and I designed how it would go together. Then we built it. Then we played it!

Description Coming Soon