[01:46] Jem'Hadar use phased polaron weaponry. [01:47] hmm! [01:48] also Wikipedia says "Non-canon information from the novels suggests that the name Jem'Hadar means 'soldier' in jem-hadarese [01:48] " [01:48] Do you think they should even provide non-canon information? I mean, non-canon information I've derived from reading your grandma's ass-zits as if they were braille explains that the jem-hadar can throw a hell of a little tea party since they have compartments in their backs filled with fine china and teabags [01:49] [citation needed] [01:52] well, perhaps we could construct some sort of localized dampening field to counteract the effects. a wide-band subspace polarity inversion beam might be sufficient to disrupt a polaron weapon. i could configure a tricorder to emit an inversion beam, but it would only buy us a few seconds before the thing overloaded. a few seconds might be all we need, chief. [01:53] I'll need to use my visor's modulation circuits to correctly boost the harmonic amplitudes. I'll be completely blind here. [01:54] We'll use Borg nanoprobes to restore your eyesight. We can use the Bussard collectors to reverse the polarity drain. [01:54] Let's flood the Jeffries tubes with trilithium resin. [01:55] ah, yes, let's. [01:56] It's a phase shift, Ensign. That's why we have fallen through the floor and now we're stuck here, just sort of floating in the middle of this artificial gravity generator. [01:56] that episode is not canon [01:56] weasel words [01:57] so anyway i wrote that dialog for jadzia, worf, o'brien, and sisko respectively [01:58] well I guess I was first almost directly quoting geordi in "Descent" - except that he used his visor to deactivate a force field, didn't he? Not to ... boost harmonic amplitudes? Then I just made fun of Voyager, then I don't know what the fuck. [01:58] Do you think that Worf would actually say the line you gave him? [01:59] I guess that he would. If it was in DS9. In ST:TNG he never actually had any ideas. [01:59] maybe it's too heavy on the made-up words but worf knows weapons [02:00] i was thinking of first contact when he was talking and handing out phaser rifles and did know what the fuck [02:00] assimilate this, mediocre script-writers. [02:01] You know what, the more I read it the more I can believe everyone else's lines except worf's and the less I can believe his [02:02] Imagine quark saying that line instead. [02:02] he'd say it slowly [02:02] Yeah, like he was all cunningly excited. [02:02] Which is, I guess, exactly how he'd be feeling about it. [02:03] "It's one of the most famous laws of acquisition. The only kind of subspace polarity inversion beam that can disrupt a polaron weapon is a wide-band one. #358." [02:05] [looking down at dax's polaron diagram or whatever] a... WIDE-band, subspace polarity inversion beam... [looks up directly at sisko, eyes widen] MIGHT... be [said with distaste] "sufficient" to disrupt a polaron weapon [02:05] * luv2vlog directs [02:06] Huh... I think that you kind of have a handle on Quark's acting style. [02:06] I think that is sort of scary. [02:06] that was supposed to be worf you nimrod [02:07] Shit. [02:07] Well, it's shitty. Should've been Quark. [02:07] * decay folds his arms [02:07] no wait i have a better rewrite for the scene [02:08] * sunk (~Sunk@202.3.217.2) has joined #Chat [02:08] * sunk (~Sunk@202.3.217.2) has left #Chat [02:09] jadzia: well, perhaps we could construct some sort of localized dampening field to counteract the effects. rom: uhhhhhhhhh a wide-band subspace polarity inversion beam might disrupt it? [02:09] Actually, it could plausibly be Quark except that he wouldn't say "sufficient" with distaste. That part isn't Quarklike. he'd be more like "... *just might* be enough to knock out out of commission!" with a little grin and like, an enthusiastic gesture in the air with one hand. Probably at Odo. Prompting an eyeroll and or a "HAWH! I'm sure you learned that rigging your dabo wheel!" [02:10] o'brien: [exchanges glances with dax, said to rom] i could... configure a tricorder to emit an inversion beam [turning to sisko] but it would only buy us a few seconds before the thing overloaded. sisko: [grins at rom] a few seconds might be all we need, chief. [02:10] Yeah, that's optimal, keep it. Uhhhhhhhhhhh, couldn't we just use... this drinking glass? [02:10] Why the hell am I mentally insisting that this exchange is happening in Quark's [02:11] why are they disabling a polaron weapon in quark's [02:11] i like your enthusiastic hand gesture ahaha [02:13] Thank you. I don't know if Quark having an idea like that is plausible. Odo would probably snidely suggest that Quark was looking at Nog's "remedial intro to subspace dynamic flux ratios" notes [02:13] o'brien: [exchanges glances with dax, said to rom] i could... configure a tricorder to emit an inversion beam [turning to sisko] but it would only buy us a few seconds before the thing overloaded. bashir (interrupting): ...exposing us all to massive doses of thorazine radiation in the process. garak (interrupting): I believe um, *I* might be of assistance in that regard, if I may Captain? [arches eyebrows] [02:13] and Rom would seriously suggest that they use a drinking glass [02:15] bashir: you?? but how coul-- garak: I would truly prefer we not discuss that, doctor. Let's just say I have a... trick up my sleeve? Odo: "HAWH! I'm sure you learned that hemming women's skirts?" [02:16] oh that rom [02:16] what a card! [02:17] Haha. "During my time with the Obsidian Order, I learned from a rather distasteful Romulan gentleman - whom I SORELY hope never to meet again, by the way, and I suppose the feeling must be mutual - that a brutally efficient way to escape a quick and painful death by thorazine radiation is to triple-refract it with a semi-anionized material. This does, however, convert the thorazine radiation to... massive amounts of heat. It's quite unpleasant, but it DOES [02:17] "Uhhhhhhhhhhh... we could use this drinking glass?" [02:17] * decay folds his arms [02:18] hahaha [02:18] Wow, Garak's totally my favorite all over again. [02:19] what did garak say after "DOES" [02:19] beat multiple organ failure, I assure you!" (jovially) [02:20] ahahaha that's even better [02:20] Oh, and he gives that creepy look where he kind of smiles with his lips all pursed while he opens his eyes as wide as he can, as if to say "I'm very happy I know this information. I'm half tempted to kill you though now that YOU know it." [02:21] But then, he made that face basically for no reason whatsoever pretty much all the time. [02:21] "So, doctor, how are you enjoying your hasparrat this afternoon? [MAKES CRAZY FACE]" [02:21] Haha. [02:22] "It's a LOVELY day for a STROLL, isn't it Odo?" "HUHH. Your LEER implies strongly that you're committing a CRIME, Garak." [02:22] * triscuit (~triscuit@24-205-57-31.dhcp.gldl.ca.charter.com) has joined #chat [02:22] * ChanServ gives channel operator status to triscuit [02:23] haha oh god why is this even funny [02:23] ... [02:23] triscuit pretend you are a deep space nine writer [02:24] it is a newly discovered source of untapped comedy [02:24] HANH! [02:24] * decay folds his arms and rolls his eyes skyward. [02:24] I mean, why are you in that channel [02:25] i love channels [02:25] yeah ralp i mean come on now who the fuck hangs out in #philosophy [02:26] i join all channels "ironically" [02:26] joining ironically itt [02:30] I think if I tried to write lines for Sisko, I almost couldn't do it. His acting style is easy to parody (just abruptly raise your voice and randomly thunder a word or two in the middle of a perfectly normal sentence) but I don't really have a handle on the words his character would choose. Garak's easy. Quark is kind of easy. Weyoun would probably be easy. [02:32] Actually, Garak was completely effortless. I apparently have a "Garak Mode" I can activate at will. [02:32] I only know who sisko is, because he's black [02:32] i know good garak and you wrote some good garak [02:33] Indeed he is. Garak is a creepy spoonhead. Quark is the snotty Ferengi that runs the bar. Weyoun is a simpering, obsequious twat with just dumbass ridges all over his head or something. [02:33] Why thank you! [02:33] anyway i just read this "HUHH. Your LEER implies strongly that you're committing a CRIME, Garak." again and lol [02:38] "You know, Odo... speaking of Garak's well-known penchant for causing mayhem around the station... I couldn't help but observe Garak, no more than half an hour ago, fiddling VERY suspiciously in the back of his shop with something... that I have to suspect was an explosive. Perhaps you should check it out... in the interest of station security. I hope you appreciate that I'm bringing this to your attention." [02:41] I'm not sure where I'm going with that, except Quark clumsily bugged Odo's tricorder and Odo already knew. [02:41] I dunno, if I had an actual plot with events in mind I could really probably bang out an entire episode in a couple of hours [02:42] "uhhhh gee brother, do you mean the device you just sold garak this morning? that's not suspicious at all!" [02:43] waffle [02:44] "ROM! Didn't I tell you to CLEAN THE HOLOSUITE??" "Sorry brother. I just thought-" "I KNOW! THAT'S WHEN THE PROBLEMS START!" [02:45] [laugh track] [02:46] Hmmm. The laugh track makes the remark, which I thought was pretty realistic, seem dumber. [02:46] um. [02:46] it's very realistic but, OH! Those ferengi! What will they get into next?? [02:49] God, I just went to write something from Rom about how he was feeling dubious about some modification he was going to make to the holo-emitters at Quark's request, and I just realized that it's really trivial to write for a lot of these characters, and I'd like to, but I have to stop before I actually write actual fanfiction, because I quite earnestly wish to not do that ever. [02:49] I think I just miss DS9. [02:53] write like hamlet or some other story with ds9 characters that way it's not actually fan fiction [02:55] I was actually thinking that, as I apparently have the ability to automatically plug in things I understand about characters - even if I can't enumerate those things explicitly - to make their dialogue realistic, maybe I should invent and then write for/using a completely different set of characters, since that wouldn't be fanfiction either [02:55] also put yourself in as a crew member [02:55] the problem is: I wouldn't like them as much :( [02:56] Yeah, and I'd have a huge penis and a secret modified phaser that I'd only use in the direst of emergencies because it can totally blow up an entire spacedock. And I'd probably have sex with Deanna Troi and/or Seven of Nine and/or go back in time and have sex with Uhura. [02:57] Bonus points: I learned how to modify the phaser when I was at Starfleet Academy... with WESLEY CRUSHER! [02:57] I also outsmarted Q at least once. [02:58] and he granted you some of his powers since you won the bet [03:00] Exactly. But I have to keep them secret until the entire station is safe. [03:01] that silly Q! [03:01] Major Kira swiveled round to face the captain, panic in her eyes. The station shook under the fire of the Jem-Hadar. "BENJAMIN! I've got more bad news! The anomalous field is causing a containment failure! We're about ten seconds away from a warp core breach!" But just then, Lieutenant Commander Ryan, whose penis was probably like a foot long, stood up and said "Hang on, everyone! I'm about to use the power of the Q to blow us to safety!" [03:01] also you train pokemon [03:03] squirtle is stuck in the jefferies tube again!! [03:03] [laugh track] [03:03] "Hang on, everyone! I'm about to use the power of the Q to blow us to safety! also I train pokemon" [03:03] And he just snapped his fingers, like a badass, and Charizard appeared. He used Bite, and it was super effective, and the Jem-Hadar fainted. [03:06] Ryan yelled triumphantly, amidst applause from the entire bridge crew "I learned Pokemon training back at the academy... from GARAK of the OBSIDIAN ORDER!" "Hoo-ho-ho, Lieutenant Commander," Garak said suddenly, anger causing his normally cheerful facade to crack slightly. "DON'T forget our AGREEMENT. I believe I swore you to secrecy on the source of your knowledge... on pain of torture and death!" But Ryan was all "Whatever, I can use Force Lightning level 9 [03:07] oh god [03:07] someone put a cork in it [03:07] And then Ryan totally hurled Garak out an airlock for talking shit. After that, Lieutenant Commander Ryan was promoted to Admiral-In-Chief, and probably had sex with all the hotties on Deep Space Nine. The End. [03:08] I think that was a great story, triscuit, and all the characters were really believable. [03:08] Although I would say, if I could write it again, that I was interested in this "Lieutenant Commander Ryan" character and I might've featured him a little more prominently. Perhaps besting Captain Sisko at a friendly game of basketball.